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Tips to Build a Healthy Relationship

by Rajesh Gotan

We all need a partner in order to feel complete and lead a fulfilling life. However, in real life, healthy relationships do not develop cinematically. The start of the relationship is really tough and it can make or break your future prospects of being together. The “Tips below will help you approach the relationship with maturity which will improve the chances for long lasting togetherness with a satisfying future.

1. Be Honest

We try to impress the partner by presenting an impressive version of ourselves, things that would impress anybody. We say all the things that would be liked by the partner. It is sort of a mask which is impossible to wear all the time. In due course, the masks falls of and all the expectations that the partner built from you get shattered resulting in failure to build the healthy relationship. Be yourself. Only move forward if the partner accepts you the way you are.

2. Don’t Dwell into Past, It is About Now

Everyone has a past. You might have had a broken relationship with a negative experience. You also might have fears of going through the same negative experience again. It is ok and it is a part of survival mechanism for saving yourself from another such episode. But do not let these fears overcome you. Remember, it is about now and future. Be patient give a good listening ear to the partner. This will help you understand the partner and assess the compatibility between both of you. Which is the only thing matters for a good present and future. However, this does not mean that you need to hide things. For a better and strong foundation, share your past to the extend it is required.

Relationship grows with Respect and Understanding

Relationship grows with Mutual Respect and Understanding

3. Talk About the Future Plans

You need not get into the future with all minute details. But the broad level of future plan should be shared. Even if you are looking for a casual fling, state that. If are looking for a serious and long term and healthy relationship, share your plans about your career, lifestyle and family, marriage etc.. Like marriage and kids may be non-negotiable for you, and you do not want to be in a situation wherein you learn after one year of marriage that your partner is not interested in marriage and kids. The earlier you talk about your future plans, it is better for both of you to prevent any heart burns due to mismatch of expectations.

“Don’t look for a partner who is a eye candy. Look for a partner who is a soul foodd.”
Karen Salmansohn

4. It Should Be About the Person and Not the Desperation to Get into a Relationship

Long loneliness makes us desperate to get into a relationship. It is a very dangerous state.  You may miss red flags or miss out on flaws which make both of you incompatible. Make sure that you like the person and other person likes you. You need to be honest to the person and yourself. A relationship of incompatibility can do severe harm to both.  

5. Talk About Intimacy

Sex is basic need and is an important part of relationship and no long term relationship works without it. Talk about your intimate preferences openly. You should also disclose about any medical history if you have. Assesses the sexual compatibility as the lack of it will surely put the relationship into trouble in future.

6. Explore Each Other’s Friend and Family Circle

In the beginning, we are so obsessed with each other that we want to keep all to ourselves. However, meeting friends and family of each other in the beginning is very crucial. You will know how the life is going to be when the obsession settles down. Meeting the friends and family will also reveal a lot about the partner which you will never get to know otherwise. Also, the circle the partner keeps is the reflection of his or her personality. If you gel with circle, there are great chances that the relationship will work out, but if you do not, the relationship is very less likely to work out in the long term.

7. Be Face to Face for Important Discussions

You may have deeper feelings or concerns which you want to share with the partner. You should always discuss them in person. In this modern era of chat platforms, we are tempted to share our feelings or concerns over text, which is not at all a good idea. Text should be used for routine talks, greetings and sharing fun things. Any deeper feeling or concern should only be discussed face to face in order to do a justice to it.

8. Be Free to Enjoy Every Moment

The beginning of the relationship is like honey moon period. Enjoy every moment of it together. Let the past not come in between and do not be so judgemental for small things in the beginning. Things will eventually reveal themselves, do not push them before time and miss the goodness of beginning.

9. Allow Time and Do Not Label

It takes some time to know each other. Do not start to label a person. The ambiguity is a part of any new relationship. Be aware of that. There is no harm in going with the flow. In the beginning, even you may not be clear that what you are looking from a relationship. The dust will eventually settle and you will be able to see the future clearly.

10. The Warning Signals

Watch out how your partner talks about his or her friends and circle. How they behave with people in public. This reveals a volume about the person. If they are rude or you catch them lie, such things should be treated as red flag. The basics of a person rarely change and you need to live with them. 

11. Allow Each Other a Break

In the beginning, the relationships are hot and heavy. And you may be so involved with each other that you may ignore your friends and family, who are a vital part of your life. This will set you up for disaster. Strike a balance and give time to your friends and family who complete your social life. No matter what, do not cut off with your friends and family as they bring completeness to your life. Moreover, giving a break to each other will make you long for each other more. 

Nurture your relationship with love and time

 Nurture your relationship with love and time

12. Avoid Talking About Your Ex Partners

While it is important to share your past candidly, but leave the past in the past. We tend to compare our ex with the new partners especially when you are not the one who broke the relationship. Everyone hates to be measured against someone else. Come over the past and look forward to enjoying the new relationship.  

13. Be Fully Committed

When you know that the relationship is going to work out and you decide to move ahead, put in your 100% into the relationship. Conflicts will be there in any relationship, but give all you have and be committed to resolve the conflicts.  Relationship is the responsibility of both and it can’t be split. The ownership is joint and both have to walk the path together.

14. Communicate Often

Communicate how you feel and resolve the differences and conflicts through open and candid communication. Never use your friends as a sounding board. It will be counter-productive. The internal matter should be resolved internally. If required, consult a relationship therapist, but this should not be the early option.    

15. Actions Should Match the Words

If action meet the words, trust grows. The partner feels special and cared. The attention should be on what your partner is doing. Words are like empty cartridges if not backed by action. The partner who does not walk the talk is not trust worthy which will lay the foundation for a frustrating future.

I hope these tips will come in handy for you. Wishing you all the best for you to find your soul mate!

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