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Overcoming Relationship Break Up

by Rajesh Gotan

The relationship journey begins with dating. We take time to understand each other and assess the relationship compatibility. The very fact of the matter is that a very small percentage of relationship result into a long lasting companionship.

However, breakup are not easy to handle. They are really tough. You may feel that the world has turned upside down and it is going to remain like this forever and you will never feel happy again.  You need to reassure yourself that you are not alone. Human beings are very resilient by nature and they bounce back with time. Do not run away from your feelings. Allow them to come and embrace them. Over a period of time, they become mild. Be kind to yourself.

Self-handling After a Break Up

Do not rush to come over the breakup. Control this temptation. Know that it needs time, work and support to overcome the breakup and be prepared for it. You need to assign priorities to yourself during these troublesome times.

The self-handling tips are as below.

      • Create space for yourself and allow yourself a break. You do not need to cut your ex abruptly, but avoid the person for some time. Do not engage over texts or chats as well.

        • You might find your weekends empty without any joy that you had earlier with your ex. Plan your week days and weekends. Get into the activities that give you the joy. Watch movies, play golf or do whatever that gives you joy. Having a schedule will keep you engaged and reduce the negative feelings associated with the breakup.    

          • Identify your social support structure of friends and family members who you are comfortable with and seek their support.  Being with them will help you get the things off your mind. Their experience and perspective can help you a great deal. Do not undermine the power of socializing and sharing during such a phase.

            • Do not find escape with Alcohol or other substances.  They will no way help you to cope up with the situation. They might make you feel better for some time but you will feel worse afterwards. Alcohol and substances are highly depressive resulting in increase of your negative feelings.

              • Allow yourself time to cope up and adapt to changes after a break up.

                • Eat well, Sleep well and keep yourself active. Start Exercising, it is a natural mood lifter.

              Advices on Breaking Up

              Don’t let Breakup break you

              In the entire process, you need to be empathetic towards the other person. If you are feeling the way you are, most likely the other person will be going through the similar phase. Be considerate about the way you end the relationship. Treat the person in same way the way you want to be treated in such a situation.

              Do not be harsh. But be honest. Be respectful throughout. Ignore anger, blames and burst of the other person on you and do not react. Treat them as natural reactions and be prepared for it.

              End the relationship in person. Calls, chats and texts are not meant for such a serious matter. If meeting is not possible, use video calling. But the person should be able to see you and your body language.

              Moving on of Your Ex

              When you figure out that your ex has moved on and is in a new relationship, the feeling of jealousy, self-pity and resentment may surround you. Do not get carried away with them. Instead seek advice and counselling of people you trust. If your feelings are intense and extreme, seek help of a professional counsellor.  Do not contact and post about your ex. It is about your safety. Such things are going to be of no use. Tell yourself and write the underlying reasons for the incompatibility. This exercise will tell you that you had no future together. You should also remember that everyone needs a partner and your ex is also a human being who needs companionship.

              “You don’t walk out of a breakup empty handed. Every Breakup teaches a lesson. Find yours.”
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              Desperation to Get into a New Relationship

              This desire to find a new relationship is very natural. However, unless you are looking for a casual fling, be very careful before getting into a new relationship. Give yourself enough time. Think about what you expect from the new relationship. Do not get into a relationship without being honest with yourself and your partner. An expectation mismatch can leave you in a worst situation. It is important to remember that being in a relationship will not necessarily make you happier. You need a right relationship of compatibility. Getting more confident just being single is a healthy step forward.

              While break ups can be devastating and make you feel that it is the end of the world. The above tips and advices are time tested, if adopted, they will surely work and quickly pull you out of the bad phase of break up.   

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